Is Defender the new Jazz ?

After the devastating news that the TWO RANDER resident coach, Keith Dobak has lost his arm in a golf cart accident, high profile sponsors, Honda Jazz have pulled all sponsorship with immediate effect. Sources close to TWO RANDER management have revealed that 2 companies are left in the bidding war, namely Land Rover Defender 90 and Toyota Yaris. Faure suggested that defender was likely to win, because of its superior headlights, which are so vital for the Ben10 wrist watch presentation as well as the fact that TWO RANDER bad boy, Faures brother, drives a Yaris himself and brings negative publicity to the brand. As the order of merit is in Faure's firm grasp before the Botswana tour, sponsors have organised 4 events this week, emceed but the first name in entertainment, none other than Joey. Players have therefore been asked to arrive 3 hours before tee off.

Two Randers Troopers brave it out in Monsoonlike Conditions

Today saw the epic clash of the titans which has been long anticipated by the partons. Winter was clearly absent minded on the day and abandoned the game short. Sorces say that this was due to him being late for a romantic candle lit blind date. When asked about this magnamonous occasion, Winter refused to comment on the subject and all reporter, Derik Alberts could get out of him was " We dont do blind dates Dereliek!"
These were the devestating scenes after the monsoon like conditions at Indusem Mowbray where the players were forced to abandon course, so to speak.http://www.israelshamir.net/Images/Tsunami.jpg The Two Rander faithful aka the patrons were caught booing Winter of the course as he was putting his suite on preparing for his big date.

Faure afraid to lose his million dollar wrist watch ?

In a game where so much has become about money, one of the few competitions left in the world that was being played purely for the love of golf and the hunger to win, has now been destroyed.

Brian Faure, Mowbray's golden boy, and hole in 1 veteran has now refused over 14 consecutive invites to play in the TWO RANDER, and rumours are that he is not willing to give back that ben ten wrist watch which is handed from winner to winner. The TWO RANDER legal team have pressed charges, but forces close to the Faure camp have said that Brians defence attorney, William Booth is very confident about winning the appeal. One can only hope that Keith Dobak returns soon to restore the camaraderie and tradition to the TWO RANDER. Faure's swing coach, Dempsey was unavailable for comment, as was his publicist Derek Alberts

Brian Faure banned from river club

After doing some recreational hacking, Brian faure has been permanently banned from the river club practice facility (damage above), and is now separated from long time coach, Keith. In a turn of events, Keith has resigned Andrew Winter as his student as the River has gone bankrupt , while Faure has begged Nicholas Dempsey to assist him with his swing.  Only time will tell if the swing changes are the reason for his long streek without a two rander victory, but Dempsey has been known to create unique swing moves such as the Theo knee snap which may fill the void in his game.  Not only will Brian Faure enjoy a win, but golf needs him to win to restore the patrons excitement in the game and tone back the snowballing confidence of Winter. From myself Derek Alberts, join us next week for more inside info on tworander.blogspot.com

SPOTTED : Brian Faure at the golf course. xo xo

Mysterious dissapearence of Keith Explained

Patrons have been outraged at the recent lull in appearences of the one and only Keith Doback, the Godfather of the Two Rander. The answer according to Two Rander spies, who've been stalking him and his lovely daughter at his house in the Hamptons, is a new project he's been working on called the "Pimp my Ride - Honda Jazz."

The fiercely demmanding project has been taking up all his time over the last few months and the results..... are biblical. This picture of his new design called "The Honda Jazz - Joey Joller" was described by Jeremy Clarkson as "buying this car for its performance is like buying a porn film for its plot!" One week after the release of this little beauty resulted in the ordering by none other than Gorden F*^%ing Ramsey and Hugh Bladen. Keith is expected to return to the course in the next few weeks with a new edition to his swing commonly known as "The Theo Knee Kick" described by fellow coaches as a "extacy on a golf course!"

The reason behind Winter's massive Drives!

Patrons have been wondering about the recent gargantuan increase in the lengths of Winter's drives. The reason according to Winters coach, Keith is very simple as he summed up in a few words, "The Chris Couch Diet and Fitness Plan" a four week guide to transforming your body. Two Randers reporters Deriliek and Blades decided to take the six week Chris Couch six pack Challenge and described it as a revelation for golf. The results speak for themselves says coach Keith, Winter's drives have increased by an average of over 30m.

WINTER RETAINS THE TWO RAND: 4 on the trot

The TWO RANDER trophy, golfs biggest little piece of silverware has not left the Andrew Winter trophy cabinet after he retained it in todays epic clash, in a round that was inevitable. When the 5 wood was seen in the bag, the patrons could sense the confidence, and 5 pars in 9 holes including a beauty at 17 was enough to retain the Trophy, versus an out of form Faure.

Faure was visibly wearing the previous nights INK from the night life of claremont on his arm, and played as though he was tired and hungover. Things are not looking hot from the Faure TWO RANDER camp this week, said Brians publicist Derek Alberts (above).

FAURE'S BAN EXTENDED- drinking scandal erupts

The somewhat controversial banning of John Faure from the TWO RANDER, golfs biggest little competition, has been applauded by sponsors after he was spotted in another off the course debauchery. Saturday night saw Mowbrays very own 'golfing bad boy' visit the cat in striped pajamas,Tiger Tiger, after which he was said to trash talk the TWO RANDER aswell as its sponsors before drenching the pavements of claremont in chunder. Insiders say that he was upset over being banned from the TWO RANDER again, and its unclear whether he'll ever return to the sport, after images were leaked (above) from his damage to a local rondebosch lavatory.

SUNDAY SCHOOL : Definition day

Luckbox	:
	"A person so full of luck that it is disgusting and ridiculous. There is surely some skill involved, but a luckbox will demonstrate more luck mixed in with that skill than any other player.....ever......in the history of the world" - exclusively on tworander.blogspot.com

BLADEN SET TO ANNOUNCE TWO RANDER

One of the TWO RANDERS most respected and esteemed aquaintances is set to announce the TWO RANDER players during their next competition.("next on the tee,from forries,BRIIIIIIAN FAURE)" Hugh's friend and impersonater from http://www.overtohugh.co.za/ fame shares a tale with tworander.blogspot.com

http://www.compleatgolfer.co.za/article/me-and-hugh-2010-10-14

Faure sells his sole to the fashion Devil

Andrew Winter is said to have turned down a lucrative 68 million ZAR sponsorship offer by stylistically controversial 'fashion' brand CROCS. Asked to endorse their brand for the remainder of the 2010/2011 season, he refused sighting that they don't match his extensive collection of suits. Rumours are rife, however that Brian Faure picked up a sloppy second grade offer by the brand for a sleezy 7 million ZAR aswell as stipulating that he wants a lifetime supply of CROCS in every colour available.

FEATURED ARTICLE : The E-TRUE Mowbray story – application denied

It’s the tale of a young golfer who on his day, has never battled a hook or slice and can hit iron shots with a snap, crackle and pop every time. A player who hits power fades so far off the tee box his caddy uses a telescope to watch his ball, and hits putts so pure, they could purify sewage water. A player who’s on course mentality makes the Goose look like he has anger problems. But why has this player never been invited to compete in the TWO RANDER? We have the real story. The E-TRUE Mowbray  story.  John Faure has sent his C.V in over nine hundred and thirteen times to the TWO RANDER’s esteemed panel of selectors but at his peak only managed to secure a handful of non-competing rounds with the TWO RANDER two ball themselves. He has shot low scores, pulled off miraculous recovery shots and even become the Blitz as he lost his card on the TWO RANDER tour for the 2011 season, all because of one factor which has eluded himself, his coaching staff and all of his adoring fans over the years. The major factor, we have come to understand, is that the TWO RANDER has an erratic set of dates due to ticket riots by the fans. This means that on any given day, other than Christmas, a TWO RANDER can be held. Herein lies the problem, because John cannot find an Islamic caddy or mascot on such short notice, which is the only way he would be able to compete at such a high level. The plot thickens because another problem that arises is that Friday afternoon is a common TWO RANDER date, and on such a day John’s lucky charm will be at the mosque or illegally street racing his newly pimped out Honda civic. He has now been seen consulting Doctor John Edward for advice on how to play his best some other way and is expected to present a power point curriculum vitae to the panel before the 2012 season.

But because he will shoot embarrassingly high scores without his mow hawk styled, diesel wearing, Volvo driving caddy he has generously been offered consolation, the curtain raiser position before every TWO RANDER by sponsors K.T and is expected to say yes within the next 24 hours. Honda Jazz however, has reserved their right to not join sponsorship with the curtain raiser at this point. Good luck to John in the upcoming selection, you may need it !

BAN THEM – Faure taken to court by ladies day justice commission

After Brian Faure petitioned to ban all woman from golf, due to incredibly slow play and a complete disregard for the games etiquette, he is being sued for discrimination by the ladies day justice commission, lead by Mr Kenneth Winter. An out of court settlement was offered by Faure’s lawyer, Marshall Erikson who pioneered the idea of a screening process for woman to play main stream courses. Firstly, they would have to have 36 golf lessons in a 1 month period, as well as hit over 3000 practice balls. Then they would be interviewed for suitable golfing personalities and undergo a fitness test and training session to make sure they are capable of walking a golf course in under 4 hours using the Keith Robot technique and run 21 km in under 90 minutes. Thirdly there would be a test over nine holes, held during a super 15 rugby game where a score of even par or better must be achieved and finally, a pop quiz on history and rules of the game, as well as rugby trivia must be passed at 98% or higher. If all these criteria are met, a 3 ball will be played with the TWO RANDER players or AB, Makhaya or Trish and they will have the final say in selection based on instinct.

 A very reasonable deal I think, and a deal that couldn’t be turned down by the ladies one would assume.

One of the disgruntled ladies during the trial in the Wynberg magistrates court.

THE AMERICAN NIGHTMARE ? - Scandal as Faure hires turquoise nuisance

A hugely controversial and outlandish act of tactics has been sighted from Saturdays TWO RANDER as officials work around the clock to get to the bottom of the matter. Brian Faure allegedly hired a 6 year old American girl to play 9 holes in a painstakingly long 5 hour round ahead, as Winter was still battling aggravating fatigue from fever, headaches and vomiting the day before. Sources close to tworander.blogspot.com alerted the sighting commission when Faure was seen having a hushed conversation at Galaxy night club on Friday evening with Winters leading medical consultant, known only as Doctor Putch. Putch allegedly accepted a bundle of cash in exchange for information on Winters condition, and the seemingly innocent girl in turquoise was instructed to play as slowly as possible to tire out the ill Winter.  

The boy prodigy, playing behind the TWO RANDER two ball, told reporters that Winter started his round impeccably well, stringing together par after par until his energy reserves finally hit zero and his game went into freefall. Talent like that of the boy prodigy (or “B.P” as he’s affectionately known) has not been seen since the days of a certain Dempsey, who single handedly almost ruined Faure’s career by destroying him in competition early  in his career. Faure did make a good par on 17  after Winters fatigue caused him to  get slow on his tee shot and slice it into the railway stand, making a quadruple bogey despite his heroic and brave victory with the coin toss. But being the TWO RANDER, it was wide open as Faure spewed his drive from 18 into the rough bordering the 6^th hole and followed it with a string of very conservative layup shots. Winter hit a well executed cut shot off the tee box but again sliced his second, due to the turquoise machine, but followed it up with a majestic 64 degree wedge shot over a forest of trees to within fifteen feet of the cup. Faure 2 putted for the win, and then entertained some very fortunate patrons, a gorgeous bride and groom in the background, with autographs and pictures. It provided some consolation to their anger when they found out that their wedding photographer missed the whole ceremony because he was shooting pictures of the TWO RANDER action instead.  Watch the controversy unfold over the next few weeks as the sighting commission makes their case, or follow @BOYPRODIGY on twitter for updates.

Sighting commission for Winter's unruley behaviour of late

Fans are eagerly awaiting the results of last weeks sighting commission held in the High Court of Pretoria where Winter was appealing his 3 week ban from the Two Rander due to inappropriate conduct on the course. Footage of these discrepencies may be viewed at the link below where Winter is clearly seen flipping a golf cart or two. Fortunately for Winter his lawyer Mr Booth was on top form and managed to pull his client out unscathed with only a warning from the sighting commission and weekly anger management sessions with top shrink and phycoligist, John Edward. When asked about the incident, Winter declined to comment on the matter.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LU3k7i0vB2E&feature=related

WEATHER CHECK: 10-17 March (click to enlarge)

HOLE # 18

Hole 18 Par 4, 400m
If you make your par here, you'll be forgiven for boasting!  Following a good drive on the fairway, you can have a go at the green (in the summer) if you're capable of the pin- point accuracy necessary to find the gap between the bunker protecting the green and the water on the left.  Depending on the whim of the green keeper, you might find the most diabolical pin placement and difficult- to- read slopes.  Otherwise it's a great hole and the fine looking clubhouse is waiting to welcome you.

HOLE # 17

Hole 17 Par 4, 360m

What makes this hold challenging is the built up green.  If you land short, the ball often won't get home and if you're slightly to the right, it veers off and also misses.  Pitch the green, however, and you'll often roll over.  If you don't make it in two, never fear.  A bit of backspin or a bump- and- runner with an inspired touch will get you close enough for a par.

HONDA JAZZ jump on TWO RANDER bandwagon

Honda have just joined sponsorship with K.T to bring you the "HONDA JAZZ KOLA TONIC MOWBRAY GOLF CLUB JOHN'S THE BLITZ  TWO RANDER". With the sponsorship consisting of a Honda Jazz awarded to the winner of the season long TWO RANDER order of merit, Brian Faure currently leads, but theres plenty of meat left on the bone until December 31 2011 when the season ends.

The new Honda Jazz accommodates all your needs in a truly advanced personal car. Boasting an optimum balance between a sporty exterior and a spacious cabin, the Jazz gives great flexibility in all aspects of the drive. Jazz’s ULTRA Seats and interior design focuses on comfort and ease of use, with a remarkably spacious and roomy interior not usually seen with such a sleek and sporty exterior. THERES EVEN ROOM FOR YOUR GOLF BAG !

K.T sign 15 year contract for TWO RANDER

The TWO RANDER board are proud to announce a continued partnership with K.T which is set to flourish over the next 15 years. K.T has put up prize money, hospitality and exceptional service during the past 2010/2011 season and as such embrace the spirit and grace of the TWO RANDER. Insiders have told us that deals are in progress with K.T for complete sponsorship of the 2 Rander South African roadtrip but organisers would not comment on the matter

 

Description

Generic sweet non-alcoholic South African syrup of the kola nut, and spices. Similar to cola syrup. The perceived value is the Kola nut which imparted the unstated uplifting effects of caffeine.

Flavor

kola nut and spices

Availability

Limited availability. Produced and sold in South Africa. Known to be distributed in parts of Africa and Oceania aswell as at any TWO RANDER event around Cape Town. Export and/or distribution unreliable. Regional. Available for on-line ordering in some markets.

Substitute

Absolutely nothing. Theres only one K.T

COACH'S CORNER : The slice keeping Faure at # 2

Since the dawn of the TWO RANDER  many years ago, Brian Faure has battled with one major problem throughout,besides his putting back in 09, often costing him more than just the TWO RANDER title, but sponsorships, book deals and overall confidence in his golfing abiliteis. Here we analyse some of the swing problems he has. (diagram is a right handed player. Left handed diagram is available on request from Faure's swing coach Keith)  WHAT TRIGGERS A SLICE? After many years of teaching thousands of average golfers, plus coaching such major champions as Jack Nicklaus and Tiger Woods aswell as his ever glorius wife and daughter, Keith concluded there are 2 principal causes in Brians swing.

1 The upper body rotates open too soon on the downswing.
2 The upper body outraces the club on the downswing.

#1 CAUSE: Body opens too soon
     CURE: Right foot back

The right shoulder moves out and over on the downswing, causing the club to come into the ball on an outside-in swing path. The ball starts to the left of your target. Usually the hands and arms, sensing the club is coming down from the outside, hold the clubface open to the path, resulting in a pull slice . With iron shots, your divot points left of your target.
CURE: You want to feel as if the buttons on your shirt point to the right of the ball at impact . This drill will help promote that sensation: Hit practice balls with your right foot back, the heel down. Swing the club back, making a full shoulder turn . Then feel as if you swing primarily your arms and clubhead through impact. Let your body respond to the swinging of your arms and the releasing of the clubhead.

#2 CAUSE: Body outraces club
  CURE: Hit balls standing on one leg

Your ball starts to the right of your target, then curves even farther right. The likely cause is that your body outraces the clubhead.  The companion problem is flipping the hands at the ball in a compensatory effort to square up the clubface.

CURE:  On the range, use a wood and put the ball on a tee. Address as you normally would, but with your left leg positioned slightly inside the ball. Now stand only on your left foot . Swing the club back and through. Feel the sensation of your upper body staying behind the ball and only your arms swinging the club through impact. After you get the hang of making solid contact, you'll notice that the ball flight will be much improved--your shots should start on line and may even curve left. Alternate hitting five balls on one leg, then five with your normal swing. You will quickly ingrain the feeling of keeping your body quiet and your arms swinging freely.

If we think back to the 17th tee shot in Wednesdays TWO RANDER, we see this case in point, but even more so with his second shot into 18. The shot that sailed way left into the water and cost him "the perfect round". Join us again next week for some pointers in COACH'S CORNER.

The TWO RANDER's home course

Although the TWO RANDER has been played around many venues in Cape Town, often pulling courses out of massive financial debt by bringing in huge crowds and great exposure, the majority of tournaments have taken place at one course. Set at the foot of Table Mountain, Mowbray Golf Club is renowned for its breathtaking views, lush fairways and immaculate greens. Both fairways and greens remain soft throughout the year. The fairways consist predominantly of kikuyu grass while the greens are paspalum which provide an excellent putting surface. Experiments with pure bent grass have not been successful, so the indigenous grass family variety is now being "managed", with more than satisfactory results. Experience the pleasure of teeing off down newly mown fairways, bordered by tall pines and indigenous trees.

Mowbray invites you to join them in a memorable game of golf on their championship course; thereafter relax with friends as you look out onto the 18th from one of our comfortable lounges and watch the TWO RANDER with a K.T in your hand.

9/3/2011. The 16th stole the show

THE TWO RANDER , golfs biggest little trophy got off to a champagne popping start before the first shot was even hit, with an eagle at 16 by Brian Faure. Known as the psychological advantage, the par 3 16th was playing 138 metres with a centre front pin placement. Winter quickly strolled up, and without any practice swing, struck a good 6 iron draw landing safely on the centre of the green. Faure then meandered onto the tee box, with his 7 iron, always a club less than his smoother swinging counterpart, and after destroying the teebox with practice shots hit the most crisp and majestic iron shot . . . . . . . OF HIS LIFE.

The fans knew it was a great shot, high in the air , slightly drawing and tracking so straight that one had to lean to see the flag stick, but those near the tee box had their vision temporarily obscured by the Honda Jazz sized divot that went sailing into the air. The ball bounced once with plenty of bite, and rolled the last 4 feet straight into the centre of the cup for a. . . . . WAIT FOR IT . . . . . . . . .  hole in 1 !!! Winter, not to be outdone, rolled in his 28 foot double breaking putt to record a birdie and a combined score of 3 under par for the hole, but still lost the psychological advantage.

As the coin was flipped by defending champ Brian Faure and tails was called by all time Two Rander order of merit leader and crowd favourite Andrew Winter, Winter was already teeing up, knowing that he hasn't lost a coin toss since Keith joined Mowbray GC. A few sloppy shots followed a great tee shot by Faure, who hung his tee shot over the railway tracks and let it fade nicely onto the fairway and he went onto the 18th with a 1 shot cushion. Faure again, bombed a drive down Mowbrays home stretch , as Winter chuckled silently and hit his 3 iron even further. The swing woes crept back into Faure's game as he sliced the daylights out of his 5 wood second shot, into the ever frightening and unforgiving water protecting the green. Winter hit his 3rd shot, another beautiful iron shot from 155, onto the front of the green. As brian chipped onto the green for 4, Winter read the green like a picture book and stuck his putt like a dream. The arm went up, the ball went down and the two rand coin was back in his bag after a narrow miss by his opponent who went on to 4 putt. As the players walked past Joey's now empty office, Winter knew that his sandbag too, was about to be empty :) The legal team at Mowbray combined with chief sponsors K.T quickly drew up a new and very lucrative contract to keep the 2 rander on its pristine course. And as Winter enjoyed a rare win this season, the real winner was golf and the players went back to their coaches to prepare for the next TWO RANDER.