WINTER RETAINS THE TWO RAND: 4 on the trot

The TWO RANDER trophy, golfs biggest little piece of silverware has not left the Andrew Winter trophy cabinet after he retained it in todays epic clash, in a round that was inevitable. When the 5 wood was seen in the bag, the patrons could sense the confidence, and 5 pars in 9 holes including a beauty at 17 was enough to retain the Trophy, versus an out of form Faure.

Faure was visibly wearing the previous nights INK from the night life of claremont on his arm, and played as though he was tired and hungover. Things are not looking hot from the Faure TWO RANDER camp this week, said Brians publicist Derek Alberts (above).

FAURE'S BAN EXTENDED- drinking scandal erupts

The somewhat controversial banning of John Faure from the TWO RANDER, golfs biggest little competition, has been applauded by sponsors after he was spotted in another off the course debauchery. Saturday night saw Mowbrays very own 'golfing bad boy' visit the cat in striped pajamas,Tiger Tiger, after which he was said to trash talk the TWO RANDER aswell as its sponsors before drenching the pavements of claremont in chunder. Insiders say that he was upset over being banned from the TWO RANDER again, and its unclear whether he'll ever return to the sport, after images were leaked (above) from his damage to a local rondebosch lavatory.

SUNDAY SCHOOL : Definition day

Luckbox	:
	"A person so full of luck that it is disgusting and ridiculous. There is surely some skill involved, but a luckbox will demonstrate more luck mixed in with that skill than any other player.....ever......in the history of the world" - exclusively on tworander.blogspot.com

BLADEN SET TO ANNOUNCE TWO RANDER

One of the TWO RANDERS most respected and esteemed aquaintances is set to announce the TWO RANDER players during their next competition.("next on the tee,from forries,BRIIIIIIAN FAURE)" Hugh's friend and impersonater from http://www.overtohugh.co.za/ fame shares a tale with tworander.blogspot.com

http://www.compleatgolfer.co.za/article/me-and-hugh-2010-10-14

Faure sells his sole to the fashion Devil

Andrew Winter is said to have turned down a lucrative 68 million ZAR sponsorship offer by stylistically controversial 'fashion' brand CROCS. Asked to endorse their brand for the remainder of the 2010/2011 season, he refused sighting that they don't match his extensive collection of suits. Rumours are rife, however that Brian Faure picked up a sloppy second grade offer by the brand for a sleezy 7 million ZAR aswell as stipulating that he wants a lifetime supply of CROCS in every colour available.

FEATURED ARTICLE : The E-TRUE Mowbray story – application denied

It’s the tale of a young golfer who on his day, has never battled a hook or slice and can hit iron shots with a snap, crackle and pop every time. A player who hits power fades so far off the tee box his caddy uses a telescope to watch his ball, and hits putts so pure, they could purify sewage water. A player who’s on course mentality makes the Goose look like he has anger problems. But why has this player never been invited to compete in the TWO RANDER? We have the real story. The E-TRUE Mowbray  story.  John Faure has sent his C.V in over nine hundred and thirteen times to the TWO RANDER’s esteemed panel of selectors but at his peak only managed to secure a handful of non-competing rounds with the TWO RANDER two ball themselves. He has shot low scores, pulled off miraculous recovery shots and even become the Blitz as he lost his card on the TWO RANDER tour for the 2011 season, all because of one factor which has eluded himself, his coaching staff and all of his adoring fans over the years. The major factor, we have come to understand, is that the TWO RANDER has an erratic set of dates due to ticket riots by the fans. This means that on any given day, other than Christmas, a TWO RANDER can be held. Herein lies the problem, because John cannot find an Islamic caddy or mascot on such short notice, which is the only way he would be able to compete at such a high level. The plot thickens because another problem that arises is that Friday afternoon is a common TWO RANDER date, and on such a day John’s lucky charm will be at the mosque or illegally street racing his newly pimped out Honda civic. He has now been seen consulting Doctor John Edward for advice on how to play his best some other way and is expected to present a power point curriculum vitae to the panel before the 2012 season.

But because he will shoot embarrassingly high scores without his mow hawk styled, diesel wearing, Volvo driving caddy he has generously been offered consolation, the curtain raiser position before every TWO RANDER by sponsors K.T and is expected to say yes within the next 24 hours. Honda Jazz however, has reserved their right to not join sponsorship with the curtain raiser at this point. Good luck to John in the upcoming selection, you may need it !

BAN THEM – Faure taken to court by ladies day justice commission

After Brian Faure petitioned to ban all woman from golf, due to incredibly slow play and a complete disregard for the games etiquette, he is being sued for discrimination by the ladies day justice commission, lead by Mr Kenneth Winter. An out of court settlement was offered by Faure’s lawyer, Marshall Erikson who pioneered the idea of a screening process for woman to play main stream courses. Firstly, they would have to have 36 golf lessons in a 1 month period, as well as hit over 3000 practice balls. Then they would be interviewed for suitable golfing personalities and undergo a fitness test and training session to make sure they are capable of walking a golf course in under 4 hours using the Keith Robot technique and run 21 km in under 90 minutes. Thirdly there would be a test over nine holes, held during a super 15 rugby game where a score of even par or better must be achieved and finally, a pop quiz on history and rules of the game, as well as rugby trivia must be passed at 98% or higher. If all these criteria are met, a 3 ball will be played with the TWO RANDER players or AB, Makhaya or Trish and they will have the final say in selection based on instinct.

 A very reasonable deal I think, and a deal that couldn’t be turned down by the ladies one would assume.

One of the disgruntled ladies during the trial in the Wynberg magistrates court.